Friends

So... In a last desperate attempt to avoid doing my Spanish essay for tomorrow I will go ahead and start the blog that I've been planning to write.

I'll start off saying that I am currently in Madrid, Spain on a 6 week study abroad for NYU. So far I am having a great experience and I'm doing reasonably well in my intensive Spanish class. And to my surprise, I have also made a lot of new friends, which is what this particular blog post will be about once I actually get to the point. Other than that though, my life is rather good at the moment. My mother just found out that she got hired for the new music position at Ponte Vedra High School which is awesome news. Also, my brother Josh just got a his old part-time job at Publix back for the summer and my younger brother, Max, just ended a wrestling summer camp and is now about to head off to New York City for a film acting workshop with NYU Tisch. Hopefully this will be another great opportunity for him to learn and grow in order to prepare for college auditions. On top of that, my mother is running for City Commissioner for the city of St. Augustine Beach and has just started campaigning. So all in all I'm doing swimmingly. So here comes the odd part...



I feel extremely odd about my life here in Madrid, even though it has only been 4 weeks. And the reason I feel so odd is because I actually have friends here which is not that common for me. Now, I'm telling you... I'm not being down on myself or sending a warning to these people that I'm some sort of weirdo. It's just that... During the year I go to class early in the morning and go to one after the other to then go to work until rather late hours and then usually go to some sort of internship or show rehearsal or some work related event. That is how that last two years of my life have been spent. And I haven't had the time to go gallivanting off with people to have fun or talk or even to have lunch. So I find it really odd to think that I actually have free time and that, with that free time, there are people who actually want to spend time with me. That is the whole reason that I have only been hanging out with Kadeen and Ani and how we became so close. We have our long exhausting day and just need to come back to the dorm and chill. And after a while, after people ask you to come to lunch once or invite you to a party that you can't attend they stop asking and they stop inviting and eventually stop talking to you thinking that you don't want t get to know them or want to be their friend.

I find it really strange that people want to have lunch with me or want to be my friend. And I find it extra strange how most of us reacted to it. Along with the accelerated program, our friendships have been accelerated to beyond what would be expected after 3 or 4 weeks. And it makes it even harder to believe that someone would like me period at this point. I mean, with everything that I have shared about myself and how I act. Speaking of which...

Because I haven't been around friends a lot recently I have been a very flustered person around these people. (I'm saying these people as if it isn't likely that I'm probably referring to one of you readers). The first week I wasn't really able to contain myself. I felt like I was in high school senior year again. And I was hugging people and flirting with people and slapping people on the back and telling dirty/silly jokes and hopping around the room like a fool. I suddenly forgot all the rules that I had put up for myself on how to behave around people. So I'm sure that I looked exactly like that, a fool. I know that that kind of behavior is off and makes people uncomfortable. And yet people stayed there. After that I calmed down a bit in my actions at least, although I probably still do much more than is necessary. And then I moved on to telling everyone my life story and asking them questions about their life story. And of course I told more than I should have (although I was able to avoid some good ones along the way by sneaking away from the initial conversation) and I pried for information that wasn't right for me to have asked for. And yet they stayed. And then it got to the point where I see that people are able to talk and so I initiate conversations. I text random people or facebook or AIM or call them. And I do it more frequently than I should. And I'm sure I've freaked out at least one of them and appeared desperate for attention. Truth is, out of all of this, I have just forgotten what it is like to have friends and how to act around them. And yet, they have all stayed so far...

And besides how much that has scared me so far, some of us have talked about hanging out in the future. Like back at NYU in the fall future. And I think at first it felt like a half heart invitation on the not so likely possibility. But now it seems that some of them are really as serious as I am in suggesting it. There are people who actually want to hang out with me in New York City, where they actually have communication with their own friends and family and most likely have no need of one more. And I am terrified that it won't happen. That they're not serious or that I'll go back to my life of "not being able to" until I am once again forgotten. And will I even realize that it is happening as college is passing me by?

This blog has suddenly taken a turn for the morbid and is definitely going much further than I originally had intended. In fact it has probably become the next step of awkwardness that I am going through in my friendships with these people. But all I can really do is thank them and wish it the best. And wish them the best as the next few weeks trudge onward. And I'd like to specifically acknowledge some people who I became friends with really quickly and who have stuck through the last couple of weeks with me and my oddities. Starting with Liza, Mikey, Francis, and Sophia. And of course my two best friends in the Big Apple, Kadeen and Ani. It's been a freaky couple of weeks and I think you guys for being patient and letting me get away with it for a while.

I'm on the verge of not posting this when I consider how much more awkward this makes it but either way way I guess we'll always end up the way that we are meant to. See you guys in class tomorrow and thank you everyone else for sitting through another random tirade about my life. Although I definitely think this fits the name Little Otter.

Until next time.